Do You Eat?

Every once in a while I run into people who are either intrigued by me or are incredibly bored and searching for anyone to talk to. It happened today. I was strolling through Schnucks in search of the perfect cracker to go with the triangle of Brie that was in my cart, when a short, dark-haired, slightly round lady walked by and said “I don’t know where all these tiny people come from” at an audible, yet not overly loud tone. She slowly walked past me, turned around, peered into my cart and a conversation ensued. It went something like this:

Her: Do you eat?
Me: Yes, I eat
Her: I mean, do you watch what you eat? How are you so skinny?
Me: Well, you’re going to hate me, but I eat whatever I want.
(I now realize that I missed a perfect opportunity to say something like “yes, I watch what I eat - going down and coming up” or an equally atrocious and politically incorrect comment that would imply that I have an eating disorder…damn!)
Her: You’re right, I hate you.
Me: Most people do.

The conversation continued with her asking about my dessert eating habits. She was intrigued with my indifference of chocolate and general dislike of all cake. I was surprised she wasn’t taking notes because I felt like I was part of a research assignment.

She was one of those ladies who hands out product samples. Dressed in all black with a black ball cap on. (I’m just telling you this so you can visualize her)

After she’d had enough with the food talk, she moved on to my clothes. She was digging my shirt* big time. We talked about what colors she looks good in and what colors I look good in. She determined that I’m “a fall” - which I already know, but it was nice to get a confirmation of such from a total stranger.

The entire exchange lasted about 10 minutes. She walked me to the products that she was pushing today (100 calorie Nabisco snacks) - I of course bought some. Then we talked at length about the cost of cereal and V-8 juice. I ended up back in the cracker aisle right where I’d began.

I felt like we’d covered a lot of ground and ended the conversation by telling her that it was nice to talk with her, thanking her for her help and wishing her well. I picked up some water crackers to go with my Brie and proceeded to the checkout. I saved $2 on Nabisco 100 calorie snacks. It will probably take me two months to eat both boxes.

The series of events has left me with a series of questions - for you, my precious, attentive, and patient readers:

• Does this shit happen to other people? Anyone?
• What type of crackers go best with Brie?
• Is not liking dessert that f’ing weird?
• And the most important question of all -one that I ask my mother every time she tells me, in a slightly concerned tone, that I look like I’ve lost weight: Do I look like Maria Shriver to you? If that line has been crossed, I’ll start drinking protein shakes and eating lots of cake. She looks like a skeleton.

You may think that being skinny is the tops, but I tell you that it comes with it’s downsides. Some people are concerned for your well being, others just hate you, and sometimes strangers stop you in grocery stores , peer into your cart and ask you if you eat.

*Background: I was wearing a new shirt that’s burnt orange with a black, brown and white design - sort of tie-dyed looking. The shirt was a purchase from last week and one that I almost returned. It cost $70, which is an insane amount for a shirt, I know. I decided to keep and have worn it twice this week. I’ve been complimented both times. I’m glad I didn’t return it.