The World Is Your Garage Sale

When I was a child, about once a year during the summer my neighbors would do something fantastic. They’d set up card tables in their driveway, pile all of their junk onto them and sell the items for pennies on the dollar. That’s right…I’m talking about a garage sale (or ‘yard sale’ depending on where you’re from).

The idea of garage sales always thrilled me and I found myself looking forward to them year after year. Watching the parade of thrifty hoosiers* milling about and bartering for things that probably should have been in a dumpster somewhere was amusing and intriguing to me. Of course my father refused to allow us to host such a gathering. He claimed that encouraging strangers to come to our property was pretty much like issuing an open invitation for them to ‘case the joint.’ Our house wasn’t exactly filled with Faberge eggs and original Monet’s, mind you, but eventually my mother, sister and I gave up the battle and accepted the fact that we’d never host our own garage sale.

Since I’d never experience the joy of setting up my own card tables, I’d usually do my best to latch onto a neighbor’s sale and toss a few of my undesirable items into the mix, hoping to turn a profit so that I could immediately take my earned riches to the gas station and blow it on lemonheads and Flaming Hot Cheetos. I don’t recall ever making more than $20, but I found the exercise to be exciting and a good means to clear out my bedroom to make room for newer, better junk.

As I got older, I’d occasionally go to garage sales myself. I went through a phase where I had the burning desire to buy old chairs so that I could sand and paint them different colors. Don’t ask. I remember the joy that would come with each bargain. It was like finding five dollars on a sidewalk. Pure joy. I found that garage sales weren’t just a means to buy and sell crap…they were a way for things to have another life.

So recently when I was in the midst of moving to a new place and in desperate need of bedroom furniture and a washer and dryer, I considered perusing the classified section of the Post-Dispatch to find garage sales. That was until someone pointed me to a 24-hour online garage sale encompassing the entire region called Craigslist.

For those unfamiliar with Craigslist, it’s essentially an online marketplace where you can, among other things, buy and sell all sorts of stuff ranging from bicycles to leaf blowers, and even hideous pink purses that sort of look like dresses.

Once I began my search, I found myself checking Craigslist throughout the day in search of various items to adorn my new apartment and cringing at the majority of household items that I saw. I found that much like garage sales, there is an abundance of heinous items on Craigslist. But in the midst of a bunch of tasteless crap, I eventually found gold. Not only was I able to procure a new washer and dryer for $250, but I also found a cute dresser to, you guessed it, strip down and paint. And best of all, I didn’t have to leave my computer chair to find them.

It seems that in the span of about 10 years technology has enabled the world to become one giant garage sale and I think it’s fantastic. No need for card tables or dot stickers. No risk of being ‘cased.’ Only the risk of buying an item that will either quit working in a week, or contain something completely bizarre…like, oh…I don’t know…an old pair of SuperWoman underwear once worn by the girl that sold you the dresser.

I guess there will always been something inherently hoosier about the buying and selling of used items. But it’s a risk worth taking in my opinion.
Who knows, maybe this summer I’ll have my own garage sale. It may start with taking pictures instead of setting up card tables, but I assure you that it will end with me buying lemonheads and Flaming Hot Cheetos. I guess some things will never change.

*"hoosier" is a St Louis term describing people who in other regions may be referred to as "hillbillys" or other, less flattering terms